So after it went down in the DM’s, you and your new boo have been getting to know each other. Pizza or pasta, lightskin or darkish Aunt Viv, and so on and so forth. Things are going well, but it’s time to get to know them financially. When do you talk money in a new relationship?
In a budding “budship”, there are many awesome and new things to discover. Amongst them, there are a few uncomfortable but necessary conversations to be had. Bringing up money can make these conversations even more uncomfortable. Money problems, however, are one of the main reasons that people decide to split, so the earlier the better.
21 Questions
“What would you do with $200,000?” These kinds of questions usually elicit hilarious and outlandish answers, but can also provide insight into your partner’s priorities. Some other queries include:
- How do you handle money and your personal finances?
- Do you live on a budgeting system?
- Are you in debt? Do you have plans for repayment?
- In marriage, should finances be fully joined, partially joined, or separate?
These key questions can help you grasp a better glimpse of your significant other’s money views. Does he spend 1,000 dollars on the new iPhone X but hasn’t touched those student loans in 7 years? Does she have a savings account? These questions can help you to get a general glimpse into their financial world.
Real eyes, realize
You can also learn more about your friend’s spending habits by paying attention to what they like to do in their free time. Does she like to get a gel nail set every two weeks? Does he buy the newest game console whenever it drops? Regardless of how your significant other spends their money, it’s important to remember that you are two different people. Leave condescension at the door and put consideration into your backpack.
Many current money habits are based on their history and their parents’ attitude about it when they were growing up. Discussing their parents’ financial patterns can help your partner recognize what they want to imitate and what they would change.
I remember when I worked at a summer camp in 2013. There was a young man named Pablo* who quickly fell into my life. We hung out as friends often, and as I began to get to know him, I realized one thing: He had over 100K of student loan debt from five years prior. This was a fact he’d jokingly proclaim at the drop of a dime. I never said anything, but in the back of my mind, I thought “Hell. No. That’s nuts.” I was working at camp to help pay off my loans.
I foresaw a future without my student loans looming over my head. He’d say “if these loans are going to go, Jesus will have to take them.” We’re obviously not together today. Paying attention can help you see financial compatibility (or incompatibility) in your relationship.
More Money, More Problems
Kelly Price wasn’t lying when she crooned “The more money we come across, the more problems we see”. Focusing on your own money is one thing, but taking another person’s financial situation has the potential to cause serious issues. Remeber, honesty and openness can lead to a pleasant and meaningful conversation. Future financial goals can also be set so that if the stars truly work in your favor, there’ll be more money and less problems.
*not his real name.
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